Reminiscing

It was just an ordinary day like the days before. I was in my room, lying in my bed, while listening to the radio. Then the phone rang… I immediately picked it up and asked who’s on the line. To my surprise, it’s YOU!

I never really imagined talking to you because you’re the least kind of person who would call me. I never even knew that you existed. But not until we became group mates in one of our school’s theater play presentation.

Then the phone calls became constant, I could say that we instantly jive because we have lots in common, maybe we’re soul friends… or should I say…soul mates?

We usually see each other in school and gave each other occasional “hi’s” and “hello’s” whenever we meet along the corridor. Then the time came when I can’t help but take a second glance at you whenever our eyes meet. Maybe there’s something in you, maybe I’m starting to notice your eyes that also smiles whenever you do, or maybe… I’m falling for you.

That night was a very memorable one. I don’t know, everything just happened so fast. All I know was that we revealed our feelings to one another. You just didn’t know how happy I was to learn that the feeling was mutual, but still, there’s a fear, fear of being hurt because I know that it’s next to impossible for you to be mine, but I still took the risk.

The past few weeks were all right, it’s like everyday was a red-letter day for me. Though I know that the time we spent together were only stolen moments, I’m still happy.

But what seems to be the problem? Our phone conversations became monotonous, whenever we talk, it seems as though you’re always itching to put the phone down. I can feel you’re slowly drifting away from me… what’s wrong?

Then I knew that same night the twin tower collapsed, your feelings for me also collapsed. It’s very evident though you tried to hide it. I didn’t know why, I was so confused. Something has really changed, I can tell it by the way you looked at me, acted, texted or talked to me. I can even remember those nights where I usually asked you to put the phone down first in hope to hear those three words you now barely say for the past days. But you didn’t.

I cried upon learning that you’re actually trying to avoid me. For the reason that you don’t want ME to be hurt, you don’t want HER to be hurt, yes, her! You don’t want us to be hurt.

You have your special someone and I know you can’t fight for me. Because sad to say, you’re afraid to take the risk and your love isn’t enough. But don’t worry, it’s fine, I understand, I always do… that was the last time you told me, “I LOVE YOU.”

I often cry at night in the silence of my room, where I know no one could hear me except the four corners of my bedroom wall. I’d cover my face with pillows so no one can hear my wails. I didn’t know what else to do, I didn’t even know if I can make it to another day, knowing things weren’t the same as before. I even reached to a point where I didn’t want to hear love songs anymore; all of them just reminded me of you. Whenever I go to school, oftentimes, I come with swollen eyes due to too much crying all night. I always feel so pathetic trying to beg some attention from you, but what can I do? I love you…

Then the phone calls lessen, maybe because we’re just both busy. Every time we had the chance to talk, I wanted to tell you how much I still love you, but I just shut up, knowing it won’t make sense anymore to you.

Another semester, same old faces, same old rooms and chairs. But something’s different, because now you’re gone.

I sometimes find myself walking along the school’s familiar hallways tracing our steps, staring at the place where I usually see you with your friends and the chair where you used to sit. Then it would just bring me into tears knowing the painful reality that you’re really gone.

I wonder if you also miss me the same way I’m missing you, if you still love me the way I’m still loving you. But I don’t want to hear the answer anymore because it might hurt.

It’s the reality of life, people do come and go. Some are for fun; others are for tears; while most of them are just passing by. I don’t know which of them do you belong, but I just want you to know that I don’t regret meeting you. And if ever I am to live my life again, I’d still choose to meet you and love you.

This is another ordinary day like the days before. I am in my room, lying on my bed, while listening to the radio. Then I hear our song… I smile as I remember you while holding back the tears welling from my eyes.

It still hurts, but I know it’ll be over soon, I know I’ll forget this feeling I have for you. I know…I know…I HOPE…

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