The Black Sheep
Posted by Toni Monday, January 07, 2008Dapihapon
Posted by Toni
Dapithapon nang una tayong nagkakilala. Halos hindi tayo magkamayaw sa pagkukuwentuhan habang naglalakad sa tabing-dagat at namumulot ng mga sigay. Kung minsan nama’y palihim tayong nagtatagpo sa gabi; humihiga sa buhanginan habang tinatanaw ang mga bituin. Minsan nga, naitanong mo ang aking mga pangarap na isang buntong-hininga lamang ang naging katugunan.
Ninais ko ring huwag nang uminog pa ang mundo ng mga panahong iyon at huwag nang umandar pa ang orasan dahil batid kong ang bawat tiktak nito’y hudyat din ng ating nalalapit na paghihiwalay.
Nang dumating ang araw na aking kinatatakutan, nangako tayong magtatagpo rito taun-taon. Ngunit nasaan na ang iyong pangako? Ah! Sana’y nakita ko noon pa ang tunay mong pagkatao. Sana’y nalaman ko nang maaga na bawat salita palang binibigkas mo ay taliwas sa iyong damdamin. Sana’y nabatid ko na pagkakaibigan lang pala ang tangi mong nais na inakala kong pag-ibig na. Sana’y nakita ko ang mga ito noon pa. Disinsana’y hindi ako naghintay, umasa…masakit pala.
Ang tabing-dagat ang siyang nagsilbing saksi sa inakala kong isang wagas na pagmamahalan. Ang bawat paglubog ng araw dito ay lagi na lamang nagpapaalaala sa akin ng ating mga masasayang sandali. ‘Di ko na rin alintana ang pagtulo ng luha sa aking mga pisngi. Kung alam mo lamang na sa tuwing sasapit ang mga panahong ganito, ako’y nasasabik na masilayan kang muli. Ang iyong mga nangungusap na mata, nakahahawang halakhak at paglalambing ay lalo lamang nagpapatindi sa aking nararamdaman.
“Tanga ba akong talaga o sadyang mahal lang kita?” Minsan ko nang naitanong sa aking sarili.
Sa bawat pamamaalam ng araw ay para bang lalo akong nawawalan ng pag-asang makita kang muli, dahil batid kong may sarili ka nang mundo ngayon at masakit mang isipin, alam kong hindi na ako bahagi noon. Baka nga sa pagbalik mo ay hindi mo na ako kilala…iyon ay kung babalik ka pa.
Takipsilim na at makikita ang isang taong nakatanaw sa dagat na wari’y may hinihintay. Lagi siyang ganoon…
Lagi akong ganito. Naghihintay pa rin sa pagbabalik mo. Isang suntok sa buwan ang pangarap na ito. Ngunit sana’y malaman mo, narito lamang ako, naghihintay sa dalampasigang ito. Kung saan mo ako iniwan, doon mo pa rin ako mababalikan.
Rendezvous
Posted by Toni Sunday, January 06, 2008Well, sure enough, you saw me but you really didn’t see me. My friend has told me so many things about you. That you already have someone special in your life and that with that looks you have, it’s pretty obvious that you’re a player.
It’s very rare that you visit the floor and whenever you do, I can’t keep myself from standing to search every bay and post to see whose PC you’re fixing this time. Am I mean or what? Because sometimes I wish that all the computers in the floor would all crash down so I’ll get to see you the whole day and you’ll never hide again in your secret hideout.
But there came a time that I told myself to stop dreaming about you because you’re just too impossible for me, besides I also have someone special in my life so what’s the point of yearning for you. After all, you don’t even know that I exist.
Time fleetingly passed by and nothing’s changed. Every time I see you, my heart still skips a beat and I feel the urge to come up and talk to you but I was too afraid thinking that with such busy schedule that you have, you don’t have the time in your hands to talk to someone whom you don’t even know. I’ve been thinking of smiling at you whenever our eyes meet but I was too paranoid thinking that when I do, you’ll see in my eyes the feelings I’ve been keeping inside. I know you have caught me so many times catching stolen glances at you so I assumed you already know that I do like you.
Well, it must be true that “Whenever God closes a door, He opens a window”. Because you suddenly came into my life just in time. But…did I also came just in time or am I wrong timing again?
Everything started with that 7 hued arch in the sky every after the rain, and that’s what exactly you are to me. Yes, you’re my rainbow after the rain. You turned my gloomy sky into a colorful one. But still, there’s this certain fear that keeps me from believing that you’re for real. See, your love life was in a shamble that time and I don’t want to meddle in a situation like that anymore, I guess I’ve had enough of it. I’m scared to think that like the rainbow, you’ll also vanish into thin air after bringing color into my sky.
And who would’ve thought that fairy tales could still come true? I’ve already set aside that dream of mine before but everything went against it just when I’m about to curse that thing they call LOVE.
Now, you’re here, in front of me, I know I’m into a deep fall again and though how many times I tried reiterating to myself that you won’t see me the way I see you, still I gave in. Sometimes I want to slap myself for me to wake up from this dream of mine, for this illusion might just turn out to be a disillusion after again another month or so.
Actually I want to thank the person who broke my heart before, for if it weren’t for her, I won’t be able to feel the ecstasy you’ve been giving me. If it weren’t for her you won’t even notice that I exist because of my non-stop whining about her.
Well, everything happened so fast, in just a span of 2 months we’re already inseparable. I must have done something good in the past for having you in my life right now. Who would have thought that a poor girl like me who’s just contented in loving you from afar would actually get the chance to know you, tell you I love you and be with you. Miracle or whatever you want to say, all I know is that you are my DREAM COME TRUE.
But still, there’s this certain fear. A fear that I might lose you someday. Yes I love you and so do you, but there’s this particular thing that keeps us from getting too much involved with each other. No strings attached as what they usually call it.
I know I am into another tear-jerking situation again but I love you and I’m willing to wait for you. I know how weary I am already for all the heartaches I’ve been through, I’ve had enough of my “begging attention days”. Been there, done that. Don’t worry, I can handle this, I really love hurting myself, I think it’s becoming one of my favorite hobbies already.
Yes, you’re not mine and I don’t have all the rights in the world to ask where you are, where you’ve been and who’s with you. After all, it’s just ME…I’ll just be deaf in everything I hear, I’ll just be blind in everything that I see and I’ll just be numb in everything that I feel. Yes, numb! That’s what I already am.
Well, I just want you to know how much I treasure you. You’re not mine, I know, but I still believe that someday time will come that you’ll turn my dream into an official reality.I also hope that one day, I’ll just wake up and find out that you’re already ready to stand for what you feel without extra baggage with you. I’ll wait no matter how long it would take…I’ll wait.
But please don’t make my waiting like an eternity. Because the least thing I would want to happen is getting tired after everything and then finding out you’re all set again to make everything official. And for the nth time, I’m telling you this, I’m not the person who easily gets tired of someone especially if the person is just too special like you. I hate waiting but for you I will make an exemption. You know I’m just here, and anytime you want to meet me and make everything all right, don’t hesitate to go. I’ll just be still and wait here in our meeting place. For now, I’ll just stay here and wait till you come and tell me that you’re now ready to spend the rest of your life with me.