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Dapithapon

Magtatakipsilim na naman. Mag-iisang taon na pala mula nang naramdaman ko ang ganito. Bakit nga ba hindi mapuknit sa aking isipan ang iyong maamong mukha? Bakit ba tuwing magagawi na lamang ako sa dalampasigang ito ay muling bumabalik ang mga masasaya nating alaala? Alaalang nagsisilbing lason na unti-unting pumapatay sa akin.

Dapithapon nang una tayong nagkakilala. Halos hindi tayo magkamayaw sa pagkukuwentuhan habang naglalakad sa tabing-dagat at namumulot ng mga sigay. Kung minsan nama’y palihim tayong nagtatagpo sa gabi; humihiga sa buhanginan habang tinatanaw ang mga bituin. Minsan nga, naitanong mo ang aking mga pangarap na isang buntong-hininga lamang ang naging katugunan.

Ninais ko ring huwag nang uminog pa ang mundo ng mga panahong iyon at huwag nang umandar pa ang orasan dahil batid kong ang bawat tiktak nito’y hudyat din ng ating nalalapit na paghihiwalay.

Nang dumating ang araw na aking kinatatakutan, nangako tayong magtatagpo rito taun-taon. Ngunit nasaan na ang iyong pangako? Ah! Sana’y nakita ko noon pa ang tunay mong pagkatao. Sana’y nalaman ko nang maaga na bawat salita palang binibigkas mo ay taliwas sa iyong damdamin. Sana’y nabatid ko na pagkakaibigan lang pala ang tangi mong nais na inakala kong pag-ibig na. Sana’y nakita ko ang mga ito noon pa. Disinsana’y hindi ako naghintay, umasa…masakit pala.

Ang tabing-dagat ang siyang nagsilbing saksi sa inakala kong isang wagas na pagmamahalan. Ang bawat paglubog ng araw dito ay lagi na lamang nagpapaalaala sa akin ng ating mga masasayang sandali. ‘Di ko na rin alintana ang pagtulo ng luha sa aking mga pisngi. Kung alam mo lamang na sa tuwing sasapit ang mga panahong ganito, ako’y nasasabik na masilayan kang muli. Ang iyong mga nangungusap na mata, nakahahawang halakhak at paglalambing ay lalo lamang nagpapatindi sa aking nararamdaman.

“Tanga ba akong talaga o sadyang mahal lang kita?” Minsan ko nang naitanong sa aking sarili.

Sa bawat pamamaalam ng araw ay para bang lalo akong nawawalan ng pag-asang makita kang muli, dahil batid kong may sarili ka nang mundo ngayon at masakit mang isipin, alam kong hindi na ako bahagi noon. Baka nga sa pagbalik mo ay hindi mo na ako kilala…iyon ay kung babalik ka pa.

Takipsilim na at makikita ang isang taong nakatanaw sa dagat na wari’y may hinihintay. Lagi siyang ganoon…

Lagi akong ganito. Naghihintay pa rin sa pagbabalik mo. Isang suntok sa buwan ang pangarap na ito. Ngunit sana’y malaman mo, narito lamang ako, naghihintay sa dalampasigang ito. Kung saan mo ako iniwan, doon mo pa rin ako mababalikan.

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