Skip to main content

Kuwadradong Mundo


Nakatanaw na naman ako sa may kalawakan na para bang may hinihintay. Gabi-gabi ay ito ang gawain ko. Napakatahimik ng kapaligiran at tanging mga kuliglig lamang at tiktak ng orasan ang naririnig. Ni hindi ko nga namalayan na alas-dose na pala ng hating-gabi.

Puyat na naman ako, pero ayos lang. Mas gusto kong manatiling gising habang ang lahat ay natutulog na. Gusto kong lasapin ang katahimikan ng mundo dahil doon ko lamang mas nakikita ang angking kagandahan nito.

Tumingala ako at minalas ang kalangitaan. ‘Di gaya kagabi, ngayon ay mabibilang mo lamang ang mga bituin at sa ‘di mawaring kadahilanan ay nakadama ako ng kalungkutan. Unti-unting nanumbalik ang mga masasaya at malulungkot na pangyayari sa aking buhay. Napabuntong-hininga ako sabay sambit sa aking sarili,
“Pagod na ako.”

Pakiramdam ko ay wala na akong patutunguhan pa. Para bang wala ng pagbabago ang buhay ko. Nakakulong na ako sa kuwadrado kong mundo, kung saan ang lahat ng aking gawain ay tila naka-programmed, na dito sa mundo ko na ang kilos ko na lamang ay sa apat na kanto nito. Wala na akong kontrol sa sarili kong buhay, wala akong mapagpilian dahil ganon at ganon rin naman ang nangyayari.

Nang biglang may dumaan na bulalakaw… imbes na humiling ako rito ay unti-unting tumulo ang luha sa aking mga mata.
“Sana nga totoo ang tungkol sa bulalakaw". Disinsana’y napawi na ang sakit at pagod na aking nararamdaman .” Unti-unti na akong nilalamon ng kalungkutan ng mga oras na iyon. Nais kong matulog na upang makalimutan ang lahat ng problema ko kahit panandalian lamang, ngunit hindi ako dalawin ng antok. Nasanay na kasi ako ng ganito.

Masyado nang magulo ang akinh isipan. Ibig kong makipag-usap kahit kanino upang maibsan man lamang ang bigat na aking nararamdaman, ngunit alam kong hindi nila susubukin. Lagi na lamang akong mag-isa sa pagharap sa mga problema ko ngunit ayos lang, sanay na naman akong mag-isa. Alam kong malalagpasan ko rin lahat ito ng ako lamang at wala nang iba pang makakaalam. Tanging ang kadiliman ng gabi at ang mga bituin lamang ang saksi ng bawat pagluha at pighati ko.

Ngayon, heto na naman ako. Lumuluha rito sa apat na sulok ng aking silid. Kinuha ko ang isang diary sa ilalim na aking unan at nagsimula akong sumulat. Eto… eto ang mundo ko… ang kuwarto at ang diary ko.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Black Sheep

The night was getting deeper as I trudged along the dark alley leading to the apartment. The misty air and the stillness of the night bring back memories of the past. Memories that I have put on the back burner for a long time now. Memories that served as an envenom that is slowly killing and eating me wholly. Then rain drops started falling and before I knew it, thoughts kept flooding rapidly together with the rain. It’s the first day of my Senior year. I can’t describe the excitement I am feeling as my dad pulled over our Chevrolet in the school’s driveway. I hurriedly gave a peck on dad’s right cheek and went down to meet my friends and gave each other some updates on our summer vacation. The bell rang and we sped up to our rooms and faced our books. Another dreadful year in school again, but at least this will be my last year in High school. I am Eunice, the only daughter of two of the most successful entrepreneurs in the country. An average girl living a grandiose life. I was bo...

Filthy Hands (Chapter Three)

It is already late at night, but one could hardly see the stars for all the smog and haze emanating from the numerous vehicles still clogging the streets. Agnes was busy chatting with the other call girls as Monique hurried up to her. “Agnes, there you are! I’ve been looking all over for you. Have I got the biggest news ever! I’m in love!” Monique squealed as she shook her friend’s shoulders. Agnes shoved Monique away and looked at her with scorn. Letting out a low, mocking laugh. Agnes retorted, “Silly! You? In love? Since when did you learn to fall in love? People like us don’t have any right to fall in love. Love is not even in our vocabulary, it’s just a hindrance in this kind of job.” Monique stared at the air dreamily ignoring her friend’s remarks. “All people have the right to fall in love, and this time I know it’s for real.” Agnes abruptly looked at Monique and slowly shook her head. “Hello?! Are you alright? What are you talking about? I’ve heard that line a hundred times alr...

Reminiscing

It was just an ordinary day like the days before. I was in my room, lying in my bed, while listening to the radio. Then the phone rang… I immediately picked it up and asked who’s on the line. To my surprise, it’s YOU! I never really imagined talking to you because you’re the least kind of person who would call me. I never even knew that you existed. But not until we became group mates in one of our school’s theater play presentation. Then the phone calls became constant, I could say that we instantly jive because we have lots in common, maybe we’re soul friends… or should I say…soul mates? We usually see each other in school and gave each other occasional “hi’s” and “hello’s” whenever we meet along the corridor. Then the time came when I can’t help but take a second glance at you whenever our eyes meet. Maybe there’s something in you, maybe I’m starting to notice your eyes that also smiles whenever you do, or maybe… I’m falling for you. That night was a very memorable one. I don’t ...