Salamat Na Lang!

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Kay daming sakit na ang napagdaanan
Halos hindi ko na nga mabilang kung ilan
Ngunit pagdating mo sa buhay ko lahat ay nagbago
Nagbigay ka nang panibagong pag-asa dito sa puso ko

Alam kong ang ibigin ka ay bawal
Dahil naging kasintahan mo ang aking kaibigan
Batid ko rin na baka masaktan
Ngunit mapipigilan ba ang puso ‘pag nagmahal?

Kay saya ng araw ko tuwing tayo’y magkasama
Kahit sikreto ang lahat ng ito kahit sa aking pamilya
Tiniis ko ang bawat kaba sa dibdib
Kahit makasama ka lang ang tanging kapalit

Ngunit ang pag-ibig na inakalang kong totoo ay tuluyang nagbago
Makailang sandali lamang akong nawala ay nag-iba ka na
Ang dating mainit mong mga ngiti ay nanlamig na
Kaya pala… may iba ka na

Lahat na halos ng nagawa mo ay pinalampas ko
Ngunit sa kabila nito ako pa rin ay niloko mo
Nagkasundo tayong muli ngunit pangloloko ay inulit mo
Ano bang nagawa ko bakit mo ko ginaganito?

Halos isang taon na rin tayong ganito
Sala sa init, sala sa lamig palagi tayo
Nauubos na ang nadarama ko para sa’yo
Napapagod na ako, kelan ka ba magbabago?

Dumating ang araw na kapwa tayo’y sabay na bumitaw
Napatawad na kahit gaano kasakit ang iyong nagawa
Salamat na lang sa mga alaala mong masasaya
Salamat na rin sa mga masasama



Bukang Liwayway


Nag-aagaw ang dilim at liwanag at makikita ang anyo ng dalawang tao, babae at lalake sa may burol. Nakahilig sa balikat ng lalake ang babae habang nakatanaw sa papalitaw na haring araw.

Apatnapung taon na silang pabalik-balik sa burol na iyon. Sila ay sina Inang Rosa at Tata Isko. Kilalang-kilala sila ng kanilang mga kababaryo. Kapwa sila nasa may sisenta ang edad at mula pagkabata ay bulag.

Beinte anyos ng unang magkakilala ang dalawa, taga kabilang baryo si Tata Isko. Naging madalas ang pagdalaw ni Tata Isko sa baryo nina Inang Rosa dahil nagaangkat ng mga panindang gulay ang kanyang ama at siya ay tumutulong, sa kabilang banda naman ay tindera ng gulay ang ina ni Manang Rosa at gaya ni Tata Isko, ay katu-katulong siya ng ina sa pagtitinda. At dahil dito ay nagkakilala at nagkapalagayan ng loob ang dalawa.

Magkasintahan pa lamang ang dalawa ay madalas na silang tumungo sa burol upang bantayan ang bukang liwayway na siyang ipinagtataka ng mga taga-baryo, dahil paano nga naman nila masisilayan ang pag-akyat ng araw? Bulag sila.

Ngayong araw na ito, alas-singko pa lamang ng umaga ay makikita na ang mag-asawa na naglalakad, hawak ang mga tungkod, patungong burol kahit madili-dilim pa. “ Bilisan mo naman at baka maunahan na tayo ng araw” wika ni Tata Isko. “Heto na nga’t nagmamadali na.” Sabi ni Inang Rosa. Pambihira din itong dalawang matanda dahil kahit mga bulag ay kabisadong-kabisado nila ang daan patungo sa may burol.

Pagkarating sa patutunguhan ay hangos na umupo sa may dulo ng burol ang dalawang matanda. “Buti na lamang at maaga-aga tayo, kundi ay baka hindi natin masilayan ang pagsikat ng gintong araw” pahayag ni Tata Isko. Siniko ni Inang Rosa si Tata Isko sabay wika, “Ano ka ba naman, nakakalimutan mo bang mga bulag tayo, paano natin makikita ang pagsikat ng araw, at paano mo naman nalaman na Ginto nga ang kulay ng araw?" “Bata pa lang ako kinukuwentuhan na ako ng lolo ko ng tungkol sa araw” saad pa ni Tata Isko.

“Meron nga pala akong magandang ibabalita s’yo Isko, alam mo ba na nagpunta ako sa bayan kahapon at nalaman ko sa ospital na tayo na pala ang sunod na nakapila para makakuha ng libreng mata mula sa mga eye donor nila.” Nakangiting pahayag ng matandang babae. “ Rosa, talagang pursigido ka sa plano mong iyan noh? Rosa, matatanda na tayo, nanaisin mo pa bang makakita? Tumanda na tayo ng ganito, hayaan mo na lang sa iba ang mata na sinasabi mo”

“Iyon na nga, mamamatay na lang tayo ay hindi pa natin masisilayan ang ganda ng mundo, atsaka di ba napagusapan na natin ito, aba,gusto ko rin namang makita ang hitsura ng bukang liwayway. Hindi ba’t gusto mo rin naman iyon Isko?” “Ang iniisip ko lang naman ay kung kakayanin pa ba natin ang operasyon” ang banayad na sagot ni Tata Isko.

Patuloy sa ganoong gawain ang dalawang matanda, gigising ng maaga para maabutan ang pagsikat ng araw, sabay uuwi na pagkatapos nito. Magpapakain ng mga alagang hayop at didiligan ang bakurang mayaman sa samut-saring gulay.

Minsang isang bukang liwayway, makikitang naguusap sina Tata Isko at Inang Rosa sa may burol. “ Isko, sa makalawa ay ooperahan na ako para sa eye transplant, sa wakas, animnapung taon na tayo ngunit ngayon ko palang makikita ang mundo, nakakatawa ‘di ba?”
Bakas sa mukha ni Nanang Rosa ang pagkasabik. Ngunit nananatiling walang imik si Tata Isko na nakatanaw lamang sa di-kalayuan na wari’y may inaaninag. “Anong problema Isko, gusto mo ikaw na ang mauna sa operasyon?” usisa ni Inang Rosa. “ Hindi, mauna ka na, di ba sa susunod na linggo ay ako naman, mauna ka na.” sabay pisil sa kamay ng asawa.

Umaga, hindi magkamayaw si Manang Rosa kung aling damit ang susuotin.
“ Alin ba ang mas bagay, itong kulay asul, puti, o dilaw?" Kabisado na ng matandang babae ang kulay ng kanyang mga bestida kahit hindi pa niya iyon nakikita. “ Kahit ano naman ay babagay sa iyo, madali ka at baka mainip si Doktora, ibigay pa sa iba anng mga mata mo” ang natatawang sambit ni Tata Isko.

Madaling araw na namang muli, ngunit wari’y makulimlim ang kalangitan, makikita ang anyo ng isang matandang lalaki na nakaupo sa may dulo ng burol, nakatanaw sa malayo… si Tata Isko. Noong mismong araw na dapat ay ooperahan si Manang Rosa ay inatake ito sa puso papuntang ospital at hindi na nagawang salbahin pa ng mga doktor. At ang mata na para sana kay Manang Rosa ay inilipat na lamang kay Tata Isko.

“Ngayon, nakikita ko halos lahat mula dito sa taas. Ang mga puno at ang buong kabayanan, lalong-lalo na ang pinakaaasam nating bukang liwayway. Kung buhay ka lang sana Rosa, disinsana’y sabay nating mapagmamasdan ang pagsabog ng liwanag ng Haring Araw. Pero sa kabila ng lahat, alam kong masaya ka na rin kung nasaan ka man ngayon, dahil natupad na ang tanging pangarap natin na mapagmasadan ang bukang liwayway, natupad na mahal ko… kahit ako na lamang mag-isa ang nakatupad nito…”

Sabay ng tuluyang pagangat ng araw ay sinalubong ito ni Tata Isko ng buong lugod at tapang para sa mga darating pang bukas na wala ni si Nanang Rosa sa kanyang tabi, upang pagmasdan ang bukang liwayway.

Internet Motel

Chat room is defined by netalert.net as “ A place on the Internet where people with similar interests can meet and communicate together by typing messages on their computer.” But how far would this messaging take them?

I was in our house last Saturday while watching this documentary show in which one of their topic is all about this specific internet café’ in one of the most busy and crowded streets in Manila and where students can usually be seen loitering at. This Internet café can be found along Avenida.

At first sight, it looks just like your typical cyber café. The location is very strategic since different schools and universities surrounds the area and it’s is the perfect place where students can make their assignments and projects after school. But is that only the main motive why this place is selling like hotcakes especially to the male species?

It’s really true that looks can be deceiving because behind the café’s cubicle, reveals the deep dark secrets of their regular patrons. The usual conversation between the chatters turns into a more intimate and malicious one.

The usual activities of the customers in this Internet café go like this. They go to the place, rent a computer and hook up to net to chat. But if you’re someone who is a keen observer, you’ll notice that after a minute or so, people keeps on going in and out of their cubicles. This is somewhat perplexing because one cubicle is equal to one person only, meaning, no one is allowed to share a cubicle to another person. But what’s somewhat astonishing is that no tenants of the café seem to notice it. Is the place crowded enough for them not to notice these strange activities?

Little by little customers are turning the Internet café into a pick up room or Internet motel. Their customers? Who else but also the customers of the said café. They meet each other at a particular chat room and scout for potential mates who is also inside the cyber café. Upon agreeing on the set up, the exchanging of cubicles happens, or they do their malicious acts outside the place. Regular customers of this place are males and whatever they are doing inside is only between them and the four corners of the booth.

Upon confrontation with the tenants, because the real owner is out of town, they claim that they’re incognizant about this matter because no one dared to divulge the disgusting acts of their patrons. They received a complaint once but just shrugged their shoulders on it since it was never followed by another one again.

Never in my whole life have I ever seen an Internet café separated by a cubicle, what’s this, a restroom? I don’t want to sound too apprehensive but what’s the purpose of these cubicles plus the doors? Privacy when chatting or doing projects is okay but is using the area to let the heat out of their body still part of it? If they want to do their stuffs, no one is reprimanding them to do so, just be sure to do it in a more private place away from the public’s watchful eyes.

And you know what’s really alarming? It’s the safety of our students, specifically the females. Just the thought of a cyber café infested by perverts, within their schools’ vicinity, is very disturbing. Also, what if someone is innocently doing her project on the said cyber café unaware of the lewd acts happening inside the shop, and then there came the pervert and discreetly went inside the girl’s cubicle? I don’t want to think about the next scene anymore but I do hope you get what I’m trying to point out here. And how about the tenants? Who knows, they might not notice it because maybe they’re too busy with something else again to bother their customer’s behaviors anymore. Or, maybe, just maybe, they choose to ignore them, because whatever they’re doing inside the cubicles is not their business anymore, as long as they pay right and they draw customers, then that’s it.

And to the owners of the Internet Café’s out there, please be on guard, let us make sure that our café’s are conducive for Internet researches, paper works, clean entertainment and not for anything else. I know that money makes the world go round but not at all times, let us also take into account our customer’s safety. And by tolerating such acts, have we ever thought what kind of society are we forming for our children?

Alpha and Omega


Sitting here on my bed inside my room, I suddenly felt the urge to sleep because I’ve been up for almost a week now beating deadlines and fixing things that are needed to be done. I saw my multi-hued calendar and tore a page of it to reveal the real month for today. Duh! My emotional side struck again, sometimes I hate this feeling. It’s already March and I can’t hide the fact that I’m feeling kind of strange for the reason that I don’t know.


Out of the blue, I just took out all my albums and started scanning its pages. (Sigh) Here I go again…my album contains all my pictures since I started schooling, from Nursery up to now that I’m already in 4th Year College. Imagine, 17 years of studying, can you visualize how many pictures I have by now?

Every picture tells a story and it’s so funny to look back then. The transformations that I’ve undergone, not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally were really amazing. As I closed my album which I also consider the “Book of My Life”, I felt tears welling from my eyes, and before I can I hold it back, I felt a hot tear rolled down my cheek.

I turned off the lights and lie on my bed to catch some rest and to forget the memories that keeps on flooding my mind, but the Glow in the Dark stars all over my room keeps me awake. Sheeshh…Our graduation is fast approaching.

I know you might say that this would again be another article that talks about leaving our dear institution and you’re definitely right. But do you know what makes this article different from the others? Well I wrote this one not for the sake of having something to pass for this last issue of ours, but because ever since I joined The Red Lily, I’ve been always looking forward in writing an article that talks about my four years stay here in Siena. And this is it! Maybe my last article for The Red Lily also. Aww!!! I don’t want to think about it anymore.

When I first entered our school, I asked myself if I really want to study here. Would I be able to get along well with the people here? What kind of clique would I be belong? What would be my College years like? These were just some of the questions that keep on bugging me as I first set my foot at the College Building on the 9th day of June 1999.

Now, I almost lost track of time. I haven’t noticed it’s been four years already since that scenario happened. It seem as though it was just yesterday when we exchanged his and hellos with our classmates and formed a whole gang out of it. The four years of dreadful assignments, examinations, projects and productions were really exhausting yet fun. So many things that we’ve experienced and eventually learned in the process.

I could still remember our clique’s first misunderstanding that really created a big gap between us. I could say that I have nice set of friends and friendship and it’s only but natural to fight over things and issues that made our bonding even stronger. I just thank God because after all those misunderstandings that we’ve undergone, we still stayed as friends. You just don’t know what kind of problems my friends and I have gone through, and if you’d know all of them, I’m pretty much sure you’d wonder why we’re all still friends after everything that had happened.

And now, I can’t believe that we all have to part ways. I know this is not goodbye for us, but I also do know that it would take too long before all our paths cross again. Some may go out of the country and some would be left behind, we might go on different fields and the chance of meeting again may be a little bit possible.

Honestly, I want to stop the clock from running out the time, for every minute that’s consumed only means that our days here in our school are numbered already. Sans hypocrisy, how would I be able to forget our institution that taught me almost everything there is in the world? The institution that made me who I am now. The institution that let me experienced different things. And the institution that became the witness of my successes and failures.

It may sound so funny but I really don’t want to graduate yet, but I have to and I need to. Now is the time to face the real world, this time a new and different world that’s much challenging and scarier than what was taught in school. I’m quite scared because I don’t know if I’m well armed enough to go to the battlefield alone. At this moment, I know I need to be more independent because whatever decision I’ll make would be my destiny so I have to decide sensibly.

Four years in College… so short yet I was able to had a taste of almost everything you could ever imagine. I’m not an A student nor the Life of the Party, I’m just a simple girl who’s always willing to take risk in everything I do and that’s what’s essential in life. You should know how to take risk sometimes. Our school may not be the best school there is, I don’t even know why I studied here, but maybe God has His own reason and that reason is for me to LEARN and GROW not only as an individual but a human.

I’ll surely miss the hallways, classrooms, restrooms, canteen, students, professors and all the personnel here. I feel very privileged to be a part of The Red Lily because I got the chance to share my thoughts to my fellow Sienans. Being an Editor for this School Paper also added excitement to my College years. I really felt nostalgic as I was writing this article because I know this would be my last article. I would really miss writing for you guys.

And as I bid farewell to this paper with a pang of sadness inside, I also do know that this would again be another start of my journey in life and search for meaning.

Stop...Look and Listen


Sometimes, in our relentless effort to please other people, there comes a time that we’re already limiting our own happiness. We live up to others expectations knowing that what we’re projecting to other is not really us.

The world is a big theater where all of us are actors. We hide our true selves in a different mask. While in the front stage, we show to others that we’re strong but once we go to the back stage, we sit there, sulk in one corner, thinking how worn out we already are.

Sometimes, I wish that the world were not that complicated. How I wish life was simple like before. It’s very hard to show to others that I’m okay when I know I’m not. To smile while holding back the tears welling from my eyes. And to stand up when I’m all laid down on my feet.

If only I could retreat from my problems I would, but I know I can’t, they’re expecting a lot from me and they’re not used to seeing me like this. I have to wipe away my tears and hold my head up high even though my head’s screaming for a break. I’m all wounded and I don’t think if I'll ever be healed.

I want to cry and tell everybody that I want to give up…it’s enough. But how would I be able to show others that I’m also weak when it’s from me they get all their strengths from? They think I’m so tough and I never withdraw from anything. They think I’m problem free when in fact I’m not. I’m also human, I can feel pain, and like others, I also need some rest. Why can’t some people understand that I also get tired gratifying them. How I wish even just once in my life I’d do things without minding what other people might say. I’ll wake up, eat, go to school, go home, eat and sleep without people dictating me what I should do or act.

It’s so funny that we think of what other people will say to us when on the contrary, they won’t have anything to do with our own happiness later on. On one occasion, let us stop thinking others, don’t be too selfless. Look or search for the things that would make you happy and fully satisfied. Then listen not only to your brain but to your heart as well. The brain might give you best advice but who knows what you’ll get when you follow your heart even for a minute.

Not Another Love Article

“Love, love, love is such a beautiful thing…you’ll laugh, you’ll cry and then won’t remember a thing.”


A friend once wrote in his diary. That very line made me ponder of what really is love.

Love never ceases to inspire our minds whenever we write. Get a magazine, book or a newspaper and I assure you that you’ll find at least one article related to love. Almost all the poems being published is all about it, so many that sometimes it gets so boring, but being a Filipino and romantic by nature, we still do read them. Love is human nature.

So what really is love? Even people during the ancient times have tried to explain but seldom can they define it. Do you still remember the first time you wrote in a slum book? What did you write upon encountering the question “What is love?” Are you one of the people who wrote cheesy definitions like “Love is like a rosary that’s full of mystery”, “Love is blind” and the safest answer, “Love is God?” Hey, don’t chuckle, it may seem so corny but it’s the truth, right? I must confess that I often use the latter one. I don’t know why, maybe because it’s the simplest of all and its sounds very religious. Well, actually, it’s because I really don’t know what the term LOVE really means. Yes, I can just copy my friends definition or from a quotation, but I want something different, something that really came from my heart, my very own definition of LOVE. I’m not saying that the ones I’ve mentioned aren’t true, they are. It’s only that that we just write anything without really understanding what we are writing.

Love has a reason which reason itself does not know. Yes, love is like a rosary that’s full of mystery. It moves in a magical way where each of us can be an easy prey if we’re weak and vulnerable. It’s always a mystery why we get so attracted to a person so much even though he doesn’t even meet our standards. And maybe that’s where soul mate enters the picture. Serendipity. They say that there’s someone in this world that’s really meant for us, and you’ll know that he’s or she’s the one when there’s “MAGIC”.

Yes, love is blind. We are blinded by love that we tend to overlook a person’s bad side, because we believe that loving is accepting the person for who he is no matter what. We become blind that we drown ourselves to martyrdom. We allow ourselves to look stupid and forever be hurt, simply because we love the person so much that we can’t afford to lose him or her. You’re always willing to forgive regardless of the pain he or she has inflicted on you.

But love doesn’t only make us BLIND, it makes us DEAF and DUMB too. Deaf to other’s criticisms and to the dictates of our brain. Dumb because when we fall in love, more often than not, we lose our own identity that we hardly know ourselves anymore.

And yes, love is God. Simply because we’re all made out of God’s love for us and that’s what he wants us all to do. To love one another and make him the center of it.

You can never learn to love unless you experience pain. Very true. Because love is not all the time like those fairy tales that ends up happily ever after. Remember, it’s just a fantasy and not the reality.

The world is full of pretenders with a mask of a prince charming to deceive their princess. Most take love for granted and when they realized their own mistake, it’s already too late for them. It’s very rare to find true love, so once found, be sure not to let it slip away or you might regret it for as long as you live.

Now, after 20 years of waiting, I finally have my answer. Of all the things I’ve experienced, I had a taste of happiness, sadness, success and failures. Now I am ready to define what for me love is.

Love is when you never get tired of the person no matter how he’s getting into your nerves. You’re always willing to forgive and forget though you know that you might end up bruising yourself again. You’re always willing to understand no matter how unreasonable he is. Everybody believes that he’s a bad news but you still stick with him, knowing that no one sees him the way you do. You’re always willing to love him without expecting any in return and don’t keep a record of his mistakes. You’ll risk and sacrifice everything for him and you love him so much that it hurts already.

I know you might say that it’s not love, it’s already stupidity. But that’s my point here. The meaning of love differs from one person to another. You can never have the exact meaning like the others because no one can ever tell you if what you feel is already love, because it’s not them who feel it, it’s up to you to find it for yourself.

And loving, for me, is not limiting ones self by saying that you won’t give you 100% love to that person, because it is not loving, it’s installment. When you love, give your best. You might get hurt but it’s the fact of loving, you always do get hurt whether you give your 100% or even 50%. It’ll always be that way, there’s still a possibility of getting hurt, so what’s the sense of installment? At least in the end, you can proudly say that you’ve really experienced how to love and be loved wholeheartedly. Give your best shot so that you won’t regret anything in the end.

Are you a Yuppie or a Yuckie?



Sitting there in your chair waiting for your name to be called to receive your diploma, the scene of you inside your own office room, answering e-mails in your laptop and you walking along Makati towards your parked Black Jaguar, flashed in your mind. Then a tap from a friend’s shoulder zap you back to reality. All of a sudden, you began to get frantic thinking what lies ahead on your future? Would you be able to get a job right away or would you just add up on the thousands of bummer out there?
Would you be able to proudly say to everyone that “Hey World, I’m now a full-pledged Yuppie!” or… “Hey World, I’m now a full-pledged Yuckie!”?
Read on and get the lowdown that’ll help you distinguish if you’re really a Yuppie or a … Yuckie.




You’re a real Yuppie if:

· You’re walking along Makati wearing your best formal clothes.
· After office hours, you can be seen with your colleagues at a nearby Starbucks in your office.
· You earn at least 15,000 a month.
· You ride a cab on your way to work.
· You’re on the phone the whole day following up interviews.
· You’re stuck up in front of the computer typing the mountain-like file of the office.
· Your head almost burst out thinking of the piled up works that are needed to be done.


You’re a Yuckie if:

· You can be seen strolling on the mall sporting a ragged outfit.
· At the end of the day, you can be seen at a nearby sari-sari store chatting and laughing your heart out with your friends while feasting on an isaw (Chicken guts).
· You’re always waiting for the 15th to come so you can ask mom or dad for some dough.
· You ride an FX or Jeepney on your way to the mall. (talking about cash shortage).
· You’re on the phone the whole day killing time with your friends, gabbing about nonsense stuffs.
· You’re stuck up in front of the computer playing games or just hooked surfing on the net.
· Your head almost burst out thinking what you’re going to do for the rest of the day.

In the Limelight


Below is the feature article I made for Blush Magazine,our school project.I Interviewed one of my clique who was then the school's representative for Campus Diva. Sugar, thanks for the pix from Friendster...I owe you one. ;p


The recently held Search For Ms. Campus Diva last October 1, 2002 was such a blast. There were 24 schools who vied in the said contest and Blush was lucky enough to interview one of the winners for Ms. Campus Diva. The 3rd runner up gal from Siena College of Q.C.

Now, let’s get a little up close and personal with Phyllys.


Full Name: Phyllys C. Flores

Nickname: Sugar

Birthday: July 29, 1982

School: Siena College of Q.C


Blush: Since when did you started singing and who influenced you?

Sugar: I started singing when I was 4 years old. Almost all the members of our family know how to sing, especially my mom and my aunt. They always find time to hear me sing and make me participate in our family gatherings.

B: Have you undergone any workshop in singing?

S: Yes, at Yamaha. I think it was 4 years ago. My grandma decided to enroll me there after graduating from High school because she believes that with a professional instructor, I would be able to enhance more my singing ability.

B: So, you were finally chosen as the 3rd runner up for Campus Diva. Have you ever imagined yourself joining a prestigious contest like this?

S: Imagined? Yes, but in reality, no. Because I’ve already joined the Search for Campus Diva last year but I was not chosen. And this year, when I decided to join again, I didn’t expect to be the school’s representative, to be one of the finalists, then later bag the 3rd runner up.

B: How do you see yourself 10 years from now?

S: Successful in the field I have chosen and probably have my own family.

B: Message to all aspiring singers out there.

S: Sing from your heart. When rendering a song, be sure you’ve already memorized it with all your heart so that your actions will come out naturally.

Ang Whip Cream sa Mocha Cafreezio ko


“Bili tayo ng mocha cafreezio, masarap iyon…”

Busog na busog na ako pero pinilit mong ipatikim sakin ang pinagmamalaki mo na Mocha Cafreezio sa Allegro. Ewan ko ba, natuwa lang siguro ako sa hitsura kaya napilitan ako. Sa totoo lang, favorite ko parin ang Mocha Frappe sa Starbucks kaya
kahit mas mura ang Mocha Cafreezio na nilibre mo sakin, hindi ko parin iyon ipagpapalit.

Lumipas ang mga araw, sabi na nga ba at hindi ko naman iyon magugustuhan, di kagaya sa Frappe ng Starbucks, hinahanap-hanap ko dati. Pero bakit ganoon? Tuwing mapapadaan ako sa Allegro lahat yata ng kasama ko eh sinasabihan kong ilibre ako ng Mocha Cafreezio. Sa totoo lang, paborito ko ang whip cream nila. Weird na kung weird pero halos lahat ng nakakakilala sa akin ay alam na ayaw na ayaw kong hinahalo ang Frappe ko. Gusto ko hanggang maubos ko ang laman, buo pa rin ang Whip Cream. Sa Starbucks kasi natutunaw, sa Allegro, hindi, buo talaga. Ito talaga ang dahilan kung bakit all-time favorite ko na ang Mocha Cafreezio.

Pero siyempre, mas sumasarap ang pag-inom ko kapag kasama kita. Kadalasan tumatambay tayo sa baba para bumili nito at magkuwentuhan. Tuwing umaalis ka, pinipilit kitang pasalubungan mo ako ng Mocha Cafreezio. Minsan nga nainis ako sa iyo dahil bumili ka ng walang whip cream. Ang sabi mo naman wala na silang whip cream.
“Sana hindi ka na lang bumili, alam mo naman na iyong whip cream lang ang gusto ko.” Ang sabi ko sa’yo. Oo na, mababaw na kung mababaw pero nagsasabi lang ako ng totoo. Pakiramdam ko kasi, wala ng kuwenta ang Mocha Cafreezio kapag walang whip cream.

Ngunit bakit ganoon? Hapon noon at umuulan, nasa baba tayo habang pinagmamasdan ang madilim na kalangitan at bawat patak ang ulan. Parang hindi na masarap ang Mocha Cafreezio na iniinom ko kahit may whip cream naman, nais ko sanang tikman ang iniinom mo, baka iyong sa akin lang ang may problema pero narealize ko depende lang siguro iyon sa umiinom.

Ilang araw na lang aalis ka na. Ilang araw na lang wala na akong makakasamang uminom ng Mocha Cafreezio at ilang araw na lang magiging mapakla na ang lasa nito.

Dumating ang araw ng pag-alis mo. Pinilit kong kayanin ang lungkot para sa iyo. Tuwing napapadaan ako sa Allegro napapangiti ako habang inaalala ang pagka adik ko sa Mocha Cafrezzio.
“Matagal na pala akong hindi nakakatikim nito…” Pumasok ako at bumili ng paborito kong Mocha Cafreezio pero nadismaya ako dahil wala silang whip cream. Pero sige, bumili pa rin ako, baka bukas meron na. Kinabukasan tinungo ko ulit ang pinagbibilhan natin pero wala pa rin, bili pa rin ako. Bukas, maaga ako bibili para hindi maubusan. Ngunit ganoon pa rin. Araw-araw nilulunod ko sarili ko sa Mocha Cafreezio na walang whip cream. Nauumay na ako pero masaya ako dahil pakiramdam ko kasama pa rin kita.


Tuwing nagagawi ako sa Allegro, lagi kong sinisipat ang lagayan nila ng whip cream. Lagi na lang wala. Bakit kaya ganoon…mula ng nawala ka nawala na rin nag whip cream nila?

Alam mo bang walang kuwenta ang Mocha Cafreezio ko kapag walang whip cream, parang ang buhay ko, wala rin saysay ito kapag wala ka. Nakakatamad, nakakaumay, paulit-ulit lang ang buhay ko ngayong wala ka na sa tabi ko., alam mo namang ikaw lang ang kumukumpleto at mas nagpapasarap nito.Alam mo ba kung bakit? Kasi, parang ikaw ang whip cream sa Mocha Cafreezio ko.

TULDOK


Paano ba ako magsisimula...kung di lang dahil sa'yo, di ko ito gagawin...kilala mo naman ako pagdating sa pagsusulat… pagawa mo na lahat sa akin huwag lang ang sumulat…pero dahil special ka kaya heto nagpapakatrying hard ako. Sana mag enjoy ka sa pagbabasa.

Tinanong kita noon, kung maaalala mo pa. Sabi ko,
“Ano bang gusto mo?”. Sumagot ka agad, “Gawan mo ko ng article.” Sabi ko sa sarili ko ang hirap naman. Paano ako susulat para sa katulad mong isang henyo sa pagsusulat. Baka laitin mo lang ang piece ko. Pero sanay na ako sa mga panlalait mo, actually sabi mo nga di mo naman ako nilalait, nagsasabi ka lang ng totoo. Tanggap ko na talagang pagdating sa pag express ng feeling ay mahina ako mapa oral o written man. Sanay naman akong sumulat, iyon nga lang pagsagot sa email sa office at sa daddy ko. Kung minsan nga pinapacheck ko pa sa’yo mga e mails ko para siguradong tama bago ko ipadala.

Alam mo ba habang ginagawa ko to ngayon kausap kita sa phone. Nagagalit ka kapag di ako sumasagot agad, di mo alam gumagawa na ako ng article para sa’yo. Tinuruan kita kung paano mag download sa Imesh kasi hinahanap mo iyong song ni Patti Austin na
“Say You Love Me”. Nagalit ka pa kasi hindi natin pinanood iyong concert nila Martin noong February. Di ko kasi gusto si Martin pero kung alam ko lang noon na gusto mo si Patti Austin malamang di natin pinalampas iyon kahit ayoko kay Martin papanoorin natin iyon.

Bukas mag one year and one month na tayong magkakilala. Parang kelan lang, nagpapacute pa ko sa’yo. Pero alam ko kahit di ko na gawin iyon mapapansin mo parin ako kasi talagang cute na’ko, sa mga mata mo. Ang bilis ng panahon, gabi na naman. Ewan ko ba kung bakit tuwing gumagabi ay nalulungkot ako. Siguro dahil sa matatapos na naman ang isang araw at mababawasan na naman ng araw sa kalendaryo at lalapit na nag araw na kinatatakutan ko. Araw ng pag alis ko.

Putik! 11 days na lang pala. Akala ko 2 weks pa. Hindi ko maintindihan kung anong nararamdaman ko ngayon. Hindi ko mapigilan ang luha ko. Akala ko mahaba pa ang araw na makakasama kita. Habang lumalapit ang araw lalong bumibigat ang nararamdaman ko. Sabi ko na nga ba dapat din a lang ako tumingin sa kalendaryo para di ko nakita iyong araw.

Ano bang dapat nating gawin, tatawagan kita. Guto kitang makausap…

Kausap na kita, tinatanong mo ko kung bakit ako umiiyak sabi ko gabi na kasi. Di ka na uli nagtanong. Siguro alam mo na iyong dahilan. Di ka na uli nagtanong dahil alam mong lalo akong malulungkot. May pinarinig ka sa akin na kanta…iyong matagal ko ng hinahanap na kanta…
"Just Fall In Love Again”. Galing mo naman nadownload mo na agad. Ayan, tumigil na luha ko, din a ko naiiyak. Sana lagi na lang kutang kasama o kahit kausap lang. Kasi nakakalimutan ko iyong problema ko. Ngayon di ko alam kung paano tayo kapag dumating na iyong araw na iyon. Paano ako bukas, pag dumating na naman ang gabi. Ganito na naman ako. Ganito na naman mararamdaman ko.

Bakit dati, noong mga month ng May, June, July 2004 gusto kong bumilis ang araw. Dahil gusto ko August na para doon kita tatanungin kung ready ka na. Maraming beses kita tinanong pero maraming beses mo rin akong di sinagot. Wrong timing ako lagi, dahil special date na iyon sa’yo. Pero dumating ang August 8, di kita tinanong dahil na feel ko na iyon ang gusto mong date para sa’tin. Tiniis ko iyong araw na iyon na di kita tanungin baka sakaling ikaw naman ang magtanong sa’kin. Pero di mo ko tinanong. August 9, madaling araw, pagkatapos nating manood ng presentation mong ginawa para sa akin at habang nagsasaya ang mga anghel sa langit habang pinapanood tayo, tinanaong kita. Sagot mo sa’kin.
“O sige…”. Sa wakes, nagkantahan ang mga anghel (iyong mga nanonood din sa’tin, sila rin) dahil sa narinig nilang sinagot mo iyong tanong ko kaya August 8, tayo na. Sabi ko na nga ba iyong ang date na gusto mo, pero sa totoo lang iyon rin ang gusto ko.

Masarap pala ang magsulat, isa rin itong way para mabawasan iyong bigat na nararamdaman ko. Siguro ngayon mapapadalas ba itong pagsulat ko. Sabi mi nga,
“Magsulat ka kahit ano!”. Heto na napasulat mo na ako. Nagawa ko para sa’yo. Sana kahit papaano natuwa ka, ok lang na laitin mo ako. Wala mang saysay mga pinagsasabi ko. Basta importante nakapgsulat na ako. At nagawa ko ito dahil sa’yo.

Nung una nahirapan akong simulan itong article na ‘to, di ko alam mas mahirap palang gumawa ng ending. Para palang article ang isang relasyon. Mahirap simulan pero mas mahirap tapusin. Lalo na kung iyong writer marami pang gusting isulat at ikuwento, pero di alam kung paano. Parang iyong dalawang taong nagmamahalan at marami pang pangarap at planong gawin pero limutado na ang oras at panahon. Paano? Anon g gagawin? Hmmm…puwede naman dib a, puwede naming di lagyan ng ending. Kaya nga merong Never Ending Stories, iyong iba may Part 2, Part 3, Saga, iyong iba naman To be continued…Parang iyong satin ngayon…hangga’t maaari, hangga’t kaya nating magtiss. Hangga’t di pa natin na tatry. Puwedeng to be continued. Puwede naming di lagyan ng tuldok. Di wag nating lagyan. Di wag kong lagyan



By Liz Reyes
June 22,2005 9:38 PM

The Blue Rose


“I can’t, you’re my friend’s ex.”


These were the words I usually tell you before just to avoid the question that you keep on asking me.

I’ve been through a lot and I don’t think I am ready yet to be on the hot seat again and to accumulate all my friend’s harsh words against me.

I can say that maybe I was really cursed. Ever since I fell in love, there’s always a hindrance and I can never be completely happy because on the back of my mind I know that someone’s also weeping behind my happiness.

Now here you are again, asking the same question and line that’s so familiar to me. I really don’t know, maybe I was really stubborn, I never did learn through all my experiences. When will I ever learn that there’s really “KARMA”? Well, enough of my taking risks. Before I am really proud of that principle of mine, but now… I don’t even know if I have to feel good for taking risks or what.

The first time I gave you a White Rose, you were so surprised and don’t know what to say. Of course we’re still friends that time but that doesn’t really mean anything to me. After all, we’re just friends right?

Christmas was just around the corner that time. We were out with your friends. While dining out, you saw a girl selling flowers and you immediately bought me one. A Yellow Rose. It’s one of my favorite, though Blue’s still the best for me. I also told you that if ever I am to give a Blue Rose to someone, it means that I really love that person so much.

So many seasons have passed but never your love for me. Your patience, love and thoughtfulness made me feel so special, especially when we’re together. There were lots of times that I tried to let go of you but I just can’t seem to. Maybe because…I’m starting to fall for you … I feel that life won’t be the same again without you.

There was never a day that we don’t see each other and that we fail to let each other know that she is special. I even remember that night, while we were hanging out in the pool, when I cried to you while asking you not to leave me because I can’t make it. You promised that you won’t. I hope you still remember.


Few months after, the same old things that we used to do suddenly changed. Maybe because we’re just both busy or for any other reason, and for that, I don’t know. We usually have petty quarrels that can also be resolved in a day or two, but something really changed. I can feel it.


28, your favorite number which I started abhorring now. I don’t know if my love isn’t enough for you, if you already find the comfort of hearing the word “I love you” from someone, or I’m just getting too demanding.

I swear to God that I am not demanding. I know I am not so sweet lately but is that a reason enough for you to dump me?

I cried so hard upon learning that you wanted to be free.
“How about me, my feelings?” I can’t think of any thing to do anymore, I’ve even come to a point of thinking of hurting myself. You’re the only person whom I beg to at least talk to me. Pathetic as it may seem, it’s true. I don’t do anything but cry. When I wake up I cry, before I sleep, I still cry. My eyes are all swollen and black because I also lack sleep, but what the heck! I love you and I think I can never live another day knowing you already fell out of love.

Whenever I stay home, I can’t still forget you because my mom does nothing but to talk about you. I wanted to tell her to stop mentioning your name but I can’t. She doesn’t know anything. Even if I go out, I still think of you and all the places we’ve been and all the things we used to do. I don’t know if you’ve cast a love spell on me for loving you this much but whatever it is, I don’t care anymore.

I’ve been dying to be mean towards you, to show that I’m alright even if I’m not, to show you that I can find a better one than you. Someone who will love me more than you did. Someone who I can spend the rest of my life with. But sad to say, I’m a failure.

My friends say that I’m so stupid to run after you begging for love. That I would be able to stumble on someone better than you. But my mind was still closed.

One night, my mind has generated the most brilliant yet pathetic idea. I don’t know if it would work but I don’t care anymore, all I know was that I desperately want you back. I might get hurt again but I’ll take the risk. (Sigh) Risk again…

The next day I searched all over to find the perfect surprise for you. I have also written a novel-long letter for you. You promised to drop by in our house at around 7 to 8 in the evening to pick up my gift. I wait, wait and wait. I’m starting to worry if what happened. I tried calling you but your cell phone was off, I even called in your house but they told me you’re not home yet. I really cried. A feeling of self-pity swept over me. Maybe it isn’t a nice idea after all. 9:00 p.m., I called you up and found out you’re already home. You told me sorry because you weren’t able to drop by. I know, it’s obvious.

I told you that I’ll go to your house to give that surprise and before you can even ask I question I already hanged up. I rode a cab on the way to your house, catching my breath. My parents didn’t know I went out.

It’s more than a week since I saw you, there you were wearing your blue shirt. If I’m not mistaken, that was also your shirt when we last saw each other. I walked slowly towards you while holding my present. You look alright compared to me. Nothing changed with your appearance, while here I am, all wasted.

When I reached your gate, I gradually handed you my surprise while holding back the tears welling from my eyes. It’s a single Blue Rose. Your reaction was the same when I first gave you a White Rose. Speechless and quiet. I can tell you’re hesitant to get it. “What’s this for?” you asked quite astonished.
“A Rose, for you” I replied sounding as if I’m going to break down any time.

You invited me inside, and though it wasn’t my plan to get inside, my heart keeps pulling me inside. I wanted to stay there forever just to be with you. We talked and shared stories. I tried to act casual but maybe I’m not a good actress at all. I burst out in tears but I can tell that you don’t want me doing that so I stopped.

We’re watching TV but I couldn’t keep my eyes off you. Telling myself how much I miss your face, your smiles, and your stares. But sad to say, all would only remain as memories from the past. Before I go I asked for just one favor and that is to hug you. You agreed and right then and there I broke again into tears. You tried to comfort me while saying that
“Don’t worry, I’m the highest in Chemistry, I didn’t failed.” You still know how to make me laugh. You know that all I want is for you to excel in your class.

I left your house with a pang of sadness and regrets. How I wish I could turn back the hands of time. Then I should’ve not questioned you about the text message. Then I should’ve been sweeter to you. But all would only remain as a wishful thinking.

I ought to ask you that night if I can court you like what you did before, but I guess I should stop making risk now. After all, everything turned out to be a disaster. Well, at least I’ve been happy even for a couple of months.

I hope that would be the last time you’ll see me cry. Together with the Blue Rose, were all the memories we’ve shared together. The joys and pains we have shared. I’ll try to let go but I won’t promise you that it will be soon. I promise you won’t see me crying, but I won’t assure you I won’t cry for you anymore. But this I promise you, like what I told you before, I’ll love you as long as you’re giving me the reason to.

And by the way, do you still remember the symbolism I gave for the Blue Rose?

Reminiscing

It was just an ordinary day like the days before. I was in my room, lying in my bed, while listening to the radio. Then the phone rang… I immediately picked it up and asked who’s on the line. To my surprise, it’s YOU!

I never really imagined talking to you because you’re the least kind of person who would call me. I never even knew that you existed. But not until we became group mates in one of our school’s theater play presentation.

Then the phone calls became constant, I could say that we instantly jive because we have lots in common, maybe we’re soul friends… or should I say…soul mates?

We usually see each other in school and gave each other occasional “hi’s” and “hello’s” whenever we meet along the corridor. Then the time came when I can’t help but take a second glance at you whenever our eyes meet. Maybe there’s something in you, maybe I’m starting to notice your eyes that also smiles whenever you do, or maybe… I’m falling for you.

That night was a very memorable one. I don’t know, everything just happened so fast. All I know was that we revealed our feelings to one another. You just didn’t know how happy I was to learn that the feeling was mutual, but still, there’s a fear, fear of being hurt because I know that it’s next to impossible for you to be mine, but I still took the risk.

The past few weeks were all right, it’s like everyday was a red-letter day for me. Though I know that the time we spent together were only stolen moments, I’m still happy.

But what seems to be the problem? Our phone conversations became monotonous, whenever we talk, it seems as though you’re always itching to put the phone down. I can feel you’re slowly drifting away from me… what’s wrong?

Then I knew that same night the twin tower collapsed, your feelings for me also collapsed. It’s very evident though you tried to hide it. I didn’t know why, I was so confused. Something has really changed, I can tell it by the way you looked at me, acted, texted or talked to me. I can even remember those nights where I usually asked you to put the phone down first in hope to hear those three words you now barely say for the past days. But you didn’t.

I cried upon learning that you’re actually trying to avoid me. For the reason that you don’t want ME to be hurt, you don’t want HER to be hurt, yes, her! You don’t want us to be hurt.

You have your special someone and I know you can’t fight for me. Because sad to say, you’re afraid to take the risk and your love isn’t enough. But don’t worry, it’s fine, I understand, I always do… that was the last time you told me, “I LOVE YOU.”

I often cry at night in the silence of my room, where I know no one could hear me except the four corners of my bedroom wall. I’d cover my face with pillows so no one can hear my wails. I didn’t know what else to do, I didn’t even know if I can make it to another day, knowing things weren’t the same as before. I even reached to a point where I didn’t want to hear love songs anymore; all of them just reminded me of you. Whenever I go to school, oftentimes, I come with swollen eyes due to too much crying all night. I always feel so pathetic trying to beg some attention from you, but what can I do? I love you…

Then the phone calls lessen, maybe because we’re just both busy. Every time we had the chance to talk, I wanted to tell you how much I still love you, but I just shut up, knowing it won’t make sense anymore to you.

Another semester, same old faces, same old rooms and chairs. But something’s different, because now you’re gone.

I sometimes find myself walking along the school’s familiar hallways tracing our steps, staring at the place where I usually see you with your friends and the chair where you used to sit. Then it would just bring me into tears knowing the painful reality that you’re really gone.

I wonder if you also miss me the same way I’m missing you, if you still love me the way I’m still loving you. But I don’t want to hear the answer anymore because it might hurt.

It’s the reality of life, people do come and go. Some are for fun; others are for tears; while most of them are just passing by. I don’t know which of them do you belong, but I just want you to know that I don’t regret meeting you. And if ever I am to live my life again, I’d still choose to meet you and love you.

This is another ordinary day like the days before. I am in my room, lying on my bed, while listening to the radio. Then I hear our song… I smile as I remember you while holding back the tears welling from my eyes.

It still hurts, but I know it’ll be over soon, I know I’ll forget this feeling I have for you. I know…I know…I HOPE…

Sa Aking Paglisan


Dumating na ba sa buhay mo ang pakiramdam na sana ay bigla ka na lang maglaho sa mundong ibabaw? Iyong tipong mawawala ka, wala ka ng mararamdaman pa at paglisan mo ay walang sinoman ang makakaalaala na nag-exist ka pala.

Ako, oo, maraming beses na. Pero iba sa pagkakataon na ito. Hindi ko alam kung ano nga ba ang ipinagkaiba ng nararamdaman ko sa ngayon kesa sa mga sakit na dinanas ko bago ka dumating sa buhay ko. Basta ang tangi ko lang alam, gusto ko na maglaho ora mismo dito sa aking kinauupuan.

Sawang-sawa na akong gumising araw-araw na ikaw na lang palagi ang iniisip ko. Kung ano ang ginagawa mo, kung sino ang kasama mo at… kung tulad ko ay naiisip mo pa rin ba ako. Malamang hindi na dahil masaya ka na. Hindi tulad ko na pilit pa rin pinaglalabanan ang lungkot na aking nadarama bawat araw.

Sa totoo lang, natatakot akong mag-isa. Pinipilit kong maging masaya kapag may kasamang iba. Ayoko na ngang umuwi dahil batid ko na babalik na naman ako sa dati kong mga gawi. Natatakot ako dahil alam kong pagpasok ko pa lamang sa pintuan namin ay babalik na naman ako sa realidad na wala ka na talaga.

Nariyan na rin ang mga panahon na naglalakad akong mag-isa sa kalyeng punong-puno ng mga tao pero pakiramdam ko ay mag-isa lamang akong naglalakad. Dati kasama kita habang masayang naglalakad at nagtatawanan na di man lamang alintana ang pagod, ngunit ngayon ako na lamang mag-isa sa paglalakad. Madalas ay naluluha pa rin ako tuwing naaalala ka. Pero sinasabi ko na lang sa aking sarili na para ano pa ang bawat luha ko, eh masaya ka ng kasama siya.

Kapag nawala kaya ako ay maaalala mo pa ako, magaaksaya ka pa kaya ng panahon para hanapin ako? At iiyak ka ba at sasabihin sa sarili mo na
"sayang, hindi man lang ako nakapagpaalam…” ?

Marahil nga ay tanga ako para isipin pa ang isang tulad mo. Pinipilit ko namang limutin ka eh. Kahit sobrang sasabog na ang dibdib ko sa pagpigil na huwag kang intindihin. Pero talagang hindi ko kaya.

Kaya nga mas mabuti pa siguro na maglaho na lamang ako sa mundong ito ng tuluyan. Dahil pagmamay-ari na ng iba ang mudong dati kong ginagalawan. At kapag dumating ang araw ng aking paglisan, huwag mo sanang isipin na isa itong kahibangan. Marahil ay hindi ko lang talaga kaya na mamuhay pa sa ibang mundo, isang mundo na malayo sa mundong kinasanayan ko sa piling mo.

Kuwadradong Mundo


Nakatanaw na naman ako sa may kalawakan na para bang may hinihintay. Gabi-gabi ay ito ang gawain ko. Napakatahimik ng kapaligiran at tanging mga kuliglig lamang at tiktak ng orasan ang naririnig. Ni hindi ko nga namalayan na alas-dose na pala ng hating-gabi.

Puyat na naman ako, pero ayos lang. Mas gusto kong manatiling gising habang ang lahat ay natutulog na. Gusto kong lasapin ang katahimikan ng mundo dahil doon ko lamang mas nakikita ang angking kagandahan nito.

Tumingala ako at minalas ang kalangitaan. ‘Di gaya kagabi, ngayon ay mabibilang mo lamang ang mga bituin at sa ‘di mawaring kadahilanan ay nakadama ako ng kalungkutan. Unti-unting nanumbalik ang mga masasaya at malulungkot na pangyayari sa aking buhay. Napabuntong-hininga ako sabay sambit sa aking sarili,
“Pagod na ako.”

Pakiramdam ko ay wala na akong patutunguhan pa. Para bang wala ng pagbabago ang buhay ko. Nakakulong na ako sa kuwadrado kong mundo, kung saan ang lahat ng aking gawain ay tila naka-programmed, na dito sa mundo ko na ang kilos ko na lamang ay sa apat na kanto nito. Wala na akong kontrol sa sarili kong buhay, wala akong mapagpilian dahil ganon at ganon rin naman ang nangyayari.

Nang biglang may dumaan na bulalakaw… imbes na humiling ako rito ay unti-unting tumulo ang luha sa aking mga mata.
“Sana nga totoo ang tungkol sa bulalakaw". Disinsana’y napawi na ang sakit at pagod na aking nararamdaman .” Unti-unti na akong nilalamon ng kalungkutan ng mga oras na iyon. Nais kong matulog na upang makalimutan ang lahat ng problema ko kahit panandalian lamang, ngunit hindi ako dalawin ng antok. Nasanay na kasi ako ng ganito.

Masyado nang magulo ang akinh isipan. Ibig kong makipag-usap kahit kanino upang maibsan man lamang ang bigat na aking nararamdaman, ngunit alam kong hindi nila susubukin. Lagi na lamang akong mag-isa sa pagharap sa mga problema ko ngunit ayos lang, sanay na naman akong mag-isa. Alam kong malalagpasan ko rin lahat ito ng ako lamang at wala nang iba pang makakaalam. Tanging ang kadiliman ng gabi at ang mga bituin lamang ang saksi ng bawat pagluha at pighati ko.

Ngayon, heto na naman ako. Lumuluha rito sa apat na sulok ng aking silid. Kinuha ko ang isang diary sa ilalim na aking unan at nagsimula akong sumulat. Eto… eto ang mundo ko… ang kuwarto at ang diary ko.

Express Yourself!!!


Most of us have a hard time expressing our feelings, because as we all know, voicing out what we really feel is no walk in the park. More often than not, when we try to say what we want to say, we end up getting tongue tied, or worse, saying the wrong things. So instead of being humiliated, turned down or misinterpreted, we just chose to hide what we feel. But do you know that keeping our emotions to ourselves may result to heart ailments.

Well… good news! Do you know that you can actually let loose your emotions without talking to someone? Here’s the lowdown on the things you can do to help you with those bottled up emotions:



* Unleash your Creative side. If you can’t say it, write it! If you’ve got a crush on this major hottie in your school, why not try to write a poem about your undying love for him. If you feel really bad, then write a composition about it, maybe you can contribute it to your school paper. Who knows? You might discover a journalist in you.


* Do Creative Dramatics. This one is sure fun. All you have to do is act out what you feel. Face a mirror and pretend you’re talking to the person you love or hate the most. Say what you want to say, no holds barred, it may also help hone your acting skill. Just be sure to do this inside your room, where no one can see you, or else they might think that you’ve already gone crazy.


* Start a Diary. Write your thoughts in a journal and make it your new best friend. From the time you felt really bad when your parents reprimanded you to go to that “PARTY OF THE YEAR” down to your deepest darkest secret. Writing what you feel purges you of everything you’ve been keeping inside. Just a little advice, don’t leave it lying around.


* Cry. Cry your heart out, cry ‘till you can’t cry no more, if that’s the only way to lighten up your load a little bit, then CRY. Anyway, it’s been said that crying is also good for us because it cleanse our eyes. But there’s one disadvantage of too much crying, it’ll give you raccoon eyes.

* Write a letter. Are you dying to let this guy know that you’re madly in love with him? Or you’re so fed up with your very insensitive boy friend? You can’t contain it anymore and you know that anytime now you’re going to burst out if you don’t confront him with how badly you really feel because of his insensitiveness and all that. Why not write a letter addressed to him telling all your sentiments and then seal it. Hey, it's really intended not to be sent, right?

This Bud's For You

As a person’s candle multiply in her Birthday Cake, her circle of friends also widens. As what they say, a person counts her age not by years but by friends.

Now let’s do some recap… Could you still recall the time when you’re always being scolded by your mom for skipping your afternoon nap just to play with your neighbor? Or how about the instance when you were embarrassed by your teacher in front of the class because you were caught giggling with your seatmate for eyeing your crush seated in the next row? Enter College, whole new set of friends and people you have to deal with. Now can you get the picture? It gets so confusing. With so many friends surrounding you, are you certain that that they’re not in a masquerade?

Are you sure that the person whom you’re fond of calling “Bes” is really a bona fide friend of yours? Read on and get the 411 that’ll undoubtedly leave you with the realization that “This Bud’s for me!”



Trust is very essential in a relationship. It doesn’t only imply with your significant other, but it’s also very vital in a Friendship. Without trust, the companionship is worthless. It’s just a waste of time and effort. Who would want belong in a group full of prentenders? And think of this…if they’re always dubious on you, and they think that you’re a suspicious looking character, then there’s a bigger possibility that they’re always thinking, and worst, saying nasty things about you behind your back. What you see isn’t what you get. Relationship without trust isn’t bound to last.


Let your pal gRow. Don’t control your friend’s life. Remember that she has her own life to manage and you’re only there for guidance. When you give advices, don’t expect that they’ll follow it. They may listen but don’t force them to obey it. Let them stumble and get up on their own so they’ll learn to be more independent. Yes, it’s only natural to be concern because they’re your friends, but learn when to loosen the tie. And when it goes the other way around, remember, “CHANGE YOUR FRIENDS EVERY SIX MONTHS IF YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GROW IN THEM”

Understanding is one key for a long-lasting friendship. Learn to accept your pals’ indifference. Keep in mind that each member of your circle of friends has her own identity and experiences that may cause her to act contradicting to what you expected from her. Be it in good times or bad, still be a friend to them. Life is not always a blissful walk, you may encounter several needles when trudging along with them but learn to pick up those even though you know that you might get prick and hurt, I’m very much sure that they’ll teach you few lessons in life. Don’t let it be a reason for holding back the friendship. When problems come across your way, make a different approach to counteract it to let you see the good side of it rather than the bad.

Empathize with your friends. Avoid making undesirable comments about them, especially to the people who means so much to them. Being honest is nice but being tactless to the point of not minding what others may feel is another side of the story. Know when to pause sometimes. Know when to say the right things at the right time and to the right person. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts your friend too. Sometimes the truth can be so strong to take that it can wreck a friendship, but it all depends on how you and your pal deal with it.

Is he just a BUDDY or a SOMEBODY?

Image taken from istockphoto

Are his stares somewhat different than the usual? Is he showering you with so much attention lately?

Take this quiz and find out if your guy pal is harboring hidden sparks for you.




1.When walking with friends, he is usually:

a.Beside you
b.Behind you
c.Of course, with the cutest girl in the group


2.When you give him a phone call to accompany you to watch a movie, he would probably say:

a.“Yeah, sure! When and where?”
b.“I’d love to, but I’m not sure yet about my schedule,
maybe I’ll go if nothing else comes up
c.“ Umm… I don’t know because I’m quite busy these past few days.
Maybe you can just ask someone instead.”


3. When he talks, he always gabs about:

a. The cute girl he met and how he wished you would meet her.
b.Anything under the sun, as long as he knows you’re interested
And not bored.
c. His dream girl and how he wants to settle down in the near future


4. Aside from money, his wallet has:

a. Your picture together with him
b. The wallet size picture you have given him and your baby picture
c.Nothing much! It is unorganized but you can still find that cute little
Card you gave him on his last birthday.



5.On your birthday:

a. He will be the first one to greet you
b. He may forget that it is your birthday but you are sure he will remember
to greet you before the end of the day.
c. He will treat you to a fancy restaurant with matching dozen of roses


6. It is raining cats and dogs and there is no ride home neither a phone; you need to get home because it is getting late already; he:

a. Suggests that you both walk home and offers you his favorite black leather jacket to keep you warm.
b. Suggests that you both walk home instead because walking in the rain would be more fun than waiting for nothing.
c. Refuses to go, telling that you might catch flu and said that he’ll just explain to your folks what had happened.


7.He is going to attend a party this Saturday and it is a must that people go with dates; he:

a. Calls you and tells you about the party then later on changes the topic.
b.Would rather stay home than tag along a date for the whole night: Who loves parties anyway?
c.Calls you right away and ask if you have other plans this Saturday.


8.You introduce him to your pretty balikbayan cousin, he:

a. Casually says “Hi” then talks to you
b. Suddenly shifts his attention, from you to her, and asks if she is free tonight
c. Gives her a smile then asks if you feel like watching a flick this night.


9. When dining outside:

a. He always offers to pay the bill
b. He offers to pay the bill and asks you to treat him for a dessert
c. You always go Dutch treat or sometimes take turns in treating each other


10. You have a Volleyball game this afternoon and he promises to watch, but they suddenly has a surprised quiz in Algebra at the same time as your game; he:

a.Decides not to take the quiz, saying he will just make up for the quiz next time
b.Says sorry and promises to just watch your next game
c.Promises to answer the questions as quickly as possible so that he will be able to watch your game.


SCORING:




1 a- 2 b-3 c- 1

2 a- 3 b- 2 c- 1

3 a- 1 b- 2 c- 3

4 a- 2 b- 3 c- 1

5 a- 2 b- 1 c- 3

6 a- 2 b- 1 c- 3

7 a- 2 b- 1 c- 3

8 a- 2 b-1 c- 3

9 a- 3 b-2 c- 1

10 a-3 b- 1 c- 2



Tough as a Rock Friendship

(10-17 points)

Your friendship is as tough as a rock. You enjoy each other’s company but the thought of you two, as a couple probably does not even cross his mind. He can do and tell things that he wants, knowing you will understand him and you are comfortable with it.




Playing the Waiting Game

(18-28 points)

Your friendship is still the best for him as of now, but how about later? This relationship keeps you guessing what is really up with him. Is he treating you extra special than usual or are you just being paranoid about it? However, there is a possibility that this boy bud of yours feel something special for you. He may not show it to you because he is still waiting for the right time to find out if you will click together being more than friends. On the other hand, do not assume too much that he is head over heels over you. The last thing you want to do is to put yourself in the “Hall of Shame” for being turned down.



Down to Lovers Lane

(29-30 points)

It is obvious, he is really into you! Skipping the Math exam just to see you is no joke, and his walking behind you is a surefire sign that he is checking you out. So, if the feeling is mutual, then there is nothing to worry about. Just be sure about your feelings, do not jump into a relationship right away and think it over a hundred times. Do not jeopardize a good friendship for an uncertain romance. On the contrary, if you do not feel anything romantic toward him, do tell him but do it in a subtle way. Be sensitive about his feelings, you would not want to lose a good guy friend, would you?
 

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